Facebook wall post

Right, this is what I’ve just left Sarah on her wall. It kinda sums up exactly how I feel about her.:

I really want to see you right now, for nothing more than to see your smile, to gently stroke your cheek and then kiss you on the forehead.

As that’s not possible I’m just going to look through your photos and pretend that you are here, smiling at me, at the ends of my fingertips and against my lips.

Sarah you mean so much to me and I hate the fact that you’re not with me right now, and that I can’t curl up with you every night with you in my arms and waking every morning with you still there. I hate it that the last thing I see before I go to sleep isn’t you and that I don’t get to see your sleepy eyes and smile before I have to go face another day.

You are the most amazing person I have ever met, and you are everything I want and need, and because of all of this, I want you to know that I will never stop loving you, I’ll never stop feeling like this and I will do everything I can to make everything perfect.

I love you Sarah. X

So there we go. Laugh, cry, rip me to shreds, it doesn’t matter. I love her and that’s all there is to it.

I feel like shit

RIght, I found out today that my fiance doesn’t want to be my fiance anymore. She still loves me and wants to be with me, but she thinks that if it does all go tits up then there’d be too much lost. Now that doesn’t make too much sense to me, after all, the one thing that was keeping me in this god forsaken fucking world was her and the one thing that’s making me feel like I should just try it all again but actually do it properly is… you guessed it… her!

I love her so much that I’d do anything for her. I’m constantly at her service, and I’d walk to the ends of the earth for her.

I just feel completely alone right now. Abandoned. Shit.

I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to lose her. I’ll do whatever I can to get things back to how they were. I want her to love me like she did. I want her to want to marry me again.

I guess at the moment I’ll just have to make do with having her as my girlfriend, and then work at getting things back. I’ve done it once, I’m sure I can do it again.

A little bit of background information.

Right my real name is John. I live in Durham (North-East England) and I’m 22.

My life hasn’t been a walk in the park, but then I’m not starving in a third world country (there’s a plus). I’m currently homeless after being kicked out of my mams house a week ago. I’m currently couch hopping and trying my best to find something permanent. I work as a barman and have done for the past couple of years.

I’m engaged, however I’m not overly hopeful for the relationship lasting much longer. The recent upheaval has taken it’s toll and caused a hell of a lot of problems with both my fiance and her parents and members of my family, but I will keep my fingers crossed until they snap off and wither away. I really do love her an she has kept me in this world when I really wanted to leave it all behind. She means the world to me and I’m going to work harder than anyone in the world has ever worked to keep thins going, to sort everything out and to make her as happy as she deserves.

I think that that’s enough information at the moment. There will be more to come, but only when I feel it necessary.

Commence the therapy

Well, I’ve been contemplating starting a blog for quiet some time, but just never got around to it or felt embarrassed that someone I know might see and judge me for it, but then I thought “What the hell” and here I am.

I have always found (as many of you may well have done) it better to talk about your problems and share your joy than to keep everything bottled up. So this is where I’ll spill the beans about my life, to share my happiness and to pour out my seething hate and sorrow. A sort of therapy if you will, therefore;

“Commence the therapy“

I also think that this would be a great time to say hello to anyone that may stumble across this. I hope that I don’t bore you all too much (not that I want to bore you at all) and that you find the need to keep checking back and that you all find my life a little more interesting than the people that are involved in it.